A good English breakfast. In Spain. Why can’t I just unscrew my jaw and put the whole lot in my mouth?

Here is my foolproof recipe for a full-on full English:

2x fresh, organic eggs
2x rashers of Turkey bacon (fat trimmed to your liking)
2x turkey sausages (please feel free to change this for pork/chicken/whatever meat you like, I just prefer the taste of Turkey. Plus, because it’s healthier you can eat twice as much. Success!)
1x large dessert spoon of baked beans in tomato sauce (I leave this out frequently, as they’re a little too much for me)
1x slice of white/brown bread (I don’t put this in but I know a real English is NOTHING without it).
150g button mushrooms, washed, peeled and sliced down the middle.
1x large dessert spoon of butter
2x cloves of garlic, minced
1x half beef tomato
To season: oregano, salt and pepper
Olive oil
Optional: blueberries (mashed), a large tablespoon of maple syrup

1. Stick the sausages under the grill at 220C for about 15-20 minutes. Keep an eye on them, and turn every 7 minutes or so. Simultaneously, put your half beef tomato in to roast alongside the sausages. Sprinkle a little oregano over the top. I first had this at a hotel in Lanzarote and was all like, wow.
2. Pour a tablespoon of olive oil into a frying pan, over a medium heat. Let it ‘melt’ and then place the rashers in carefully. Turn them every minute or so.
3. In a seperate saucepan, melt the butter gently over a medium heat. Add the minced garlic and let it (incoming foodie phrase) blend for a minute or two. Add the mushrooms and let it all cook together over a medium-low heat. Keep stirring it when you can, so it doesn’t burn or become a congealed mess. If it isn’t looking too ‘saucy’, add a smidge more butter*.
4. Add the eggs to the frying pan, adding more olive oil if need be. What I do is remove the bacon, put it on a small plate, cover it and whack the eggs on high. I cannot abide a runny egg. Then, I return the bacon to heat again once the eggs are cooked.
5. Check your sausages and your tomato. Turn them, wiggle them around. This is a technique I’ve mastered over the years and it involves moving the food products around the baking tray with a spatula/fork/tongs without any specific purpose, but in the hope it’ll cook faster.
6. Put your beans on t’hob or blitz them in the microwave. I have no idea the timing for that but I presume it’s not long. It’s roughly two minutes over high on the hob for me, but don’t blame me if they explode bean juice all inside your microwave.
7. Now, here’s your optional part. I tried this one day when I had some blueberries that were a wee bit, how do we say, manky. I originally mashed them to put them in a cake but then I thought, ‘the best breakfast I ever had was blueberry and bacon on a pancake. Now, I can’t be assed making pancakes but I can be assed with that sweety/savoury combo again’. You don’t need many blueberries, only a couple of handfuls. Just mash them with a potato masher, and put them next to the bacon on the plate. Drizzle the maple syrup over the bacon and a smidge on the blueberries. Eat them together, not separately. Do not let the beans touch the blueberries. Let me know what you think.
8. Make sure it’s all cooked, and stick it all together on a plate. Now, I sprinkle a little oregano over my egg yolks. You might think this is unnecessary faffing. My boyfriend routinely yells at me for putting things on his eggs ‘and-a next-a time, do not put-a the spice on my eggs.’ Maybe I should re title this ‘cooking for Borat’ or better, ‘eggs for Borat’.
9. Season. I don’t season during the cooking process, mainly because I’ve got too much going on and I forget but I find it unnecessary and before you know it, you’ve got a kilo of salt going on.

Your soundtrack : https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yRYpd3_roHg

Enjoy, lovelies!

*my measurements are often on a non-specific scale I.e a league, a smidge, a tad, a widgen, a splosh etc. Good luck.


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